For this piece of writing I have focusing on my vocabulary and punctuation. I have been learning to: use a range of precise vocabulary to communicate meaning and use all basic punctuation independently and attempt more complex punctuation (e.g semicolons, colons, parentheses)
The pieces of my writing that are highlighted green are where I have shown my vocabulary and punctuation goal
THE BACKLANE CRIME
James Hagrid is a 24 year old and he works as an Undercover Police Detective in New York City. He has been working as an Undercover Detective for 4 years and there is one crime scene that hasn’t been solved for 4 years and it happened for just before Detective James was recruited.
When Detective James went to the crime scene on the 9th of May (Tuesday night) to look for leads to find out who killed Johnny McStiffenson, waiting for him there is the man who killed Johnny McStiffenson. He looked Detective James in the eye and threatens to kill him as well, and then dashed off so Detective James paced it after him and he chased him down an alleyway called backlane lane then Detective James runs out of breath and he has to stop. Once he gets his breath back he starts to hunt him down again and he chases him all over town, now Detective James has had enough so he calls in the Special Arms forces to chase him down. But luckily for him he has led the cops right to his 2014 Lamborghini, it was an awesome car for someone who probably lives in his car but I mean he probably stole it or bought it with the money he stole. It was pimped out it looked pretty awesome, I bet that this would be Detective James’s Dream car. The thing is that Detective James was actually dreaming he only had a piece of dirt Toyota it was a 4 door car but it only had 2 doors because he had been in too many police chases. But anyway back to the police chase, they chased him for 2 hours and they had to bring in tanks and police choppers, there were so many police on the chase. They chased him right through the city and all the way out to the dessert, and that was where they stopped him and arrested him. They found out his name and his relations, and they researched his other police records and they found a lot from the past year.
His name was Alex Scott and they couldn’t find any other relations alive, He was arrested for 26 months in the NYSDOC Queensboro correctional facility. 20 months later… Alex Scott has 6 months left in the NYSDOC Queensboro correctional facility and when he is released he will be under supervision for 4 months to make sure he doesn’t do anything like murder or things like that.